4:51 PM One of my dearest friends whom I met at university, talked to me about highly sensitive people. I thought it sounded interesting but I didn't know much about it. Somehow, I came across this one more time and I started getting more and more info about it. THIS IS SO ME, I thought!!!
I talked to her and we met to discuss further. She was the sweetest and even gifted me a book about it. I ordered two more books and now after reading them I feel like I had a rebirth. Everything makes sense now.
Hi, I'm highly sensitive.
Hands down, this will be my most personal post so far. I'm not into sharing my whole private life, but there are things which I want to discuss and share with you. I do this because I believe it's good to talk about it.
I always had certain things happening in my life where I didn't know what to do. I had issues with myself and I didn't know what to do. So many situations where I actually needed help - professional help?! I got through it somehow... by myself. I wish blogs or YouTube would have been there back then where I could read about common things/ see common things which do not only happen to me. This was my childhood, the internet couldn't help me, haha.
As a teenager I wanted to go and see a therapist, because I felt beyond awkward. One could say that I basically did everything my friends did. I started going to parties early without my ID, drank alcohol and just enjoyed being young and free. Deep down inside of me I was bored of all of that. I went everywhere my friends went to and most of the time I had to force myself to have fun with them. Why did I do this? School is tricky sometimes. I wanted to survive it in my save bubble where no one has anything netative to say about me. It worked out well.
In school I was the clown, being pretty popular and super easy to get a long with. At home I was happy again: I closed my doors and shut my mouth. I was tired of all that acting and the energies being used. I got lost in my dream world, ran away to feel save again: drawing, sewing, crafting anything that made me really happy. This was me. Sometimes I came home from school and I cried. I couldn't take it anymore. What it was? I don't know. I realized I was different, I felt disconnected to everything. I was like an alien on another planet. I knew I should seek help, talk to a therapist. My mom laughed about it and I was scared to tell my friends because of bullying etc. I spoke to myself. You can do it (somehow). At the end of the day, I explained all of that as experiencing puberty - everyone will go through this sooner or later.
I got older and I was ready to finally pursue myself - my real being. My sister played a huge part here as well. I wanted my friends to still like me (maybe I could also inspire them with some things) and I wanted to be as cool as my sister mixed with a little bit of myself. My style changed a bit, the music I was listening to changed and I said goodbye to parties and drinking - the almost death for me. Sounds over dramatic, but that's what it was. My friend circle all of a sudden got smaller and I started hanging out with the "not so popular people" (my personal rockstars!!). No more parties means more free time for me, more activities, more exploring. Good for me, yes, but being an outsider now killed me. I didn't know what to do...
In school, some people still talked to me, but they kept it pretty simple: fake small talk - who cares? It was annoying and such a waste of energy. Here and then, I tried to join some parties, so that they could see that "I'm still a cool girl". What happened? I remembered the last carnival party doing my high school time when my "friend" said I wasn't invited to the party, because "since I don't want to drink no more, I could ruin the party". Her words. I was shocked. Thank you asshole - this is still the same thought I got about you, girl.
In my last high school year, I found out about the things I really like and my own world was just perfect. On the other hand, I was sometimes craving to be normal. Craving to go outside, meet with friends and just have a good time. My body was filled with anxieties. While my family tried to calm me down with me being different is totally fine and something special, I was telling myself that university will be better. In the future things will change, right?
Let's skip forward.
University was the same just like high school...I was even more confused. My interests got even more complex and I felt beyond weird. It was so hard for me that I felt I had a burnout - from life.
I reached a point where I had to act! In this moment I got to know my better half. A special someone who helped me going through all of these times, bad vibes, and emotions. How weird that I was able to build a strong friendship with someone without all of the things I experienced in the past. It was so easy and it felt beyond soothing for me and my soul. He helped me and he was very understanding no matter what I said or did. I was sad a lot and my mood swings were often messing up our conversations until he also suggested that I should go and see a therapist. Being in my 20s, I still didn't feel comfortable with the thought of going to a therapist. He actually became my therapist. From our friendship status until the day we became more than friends, he was patient with me, took his time and just listened and helped me in silence. It worked out. Thank you, A.
My life got a little brighter, I was happier, but I still felt awkward when it comes to other human beings and weird energies. I'm on my way, I thought.
Let's move one last step forward.
2017. All my life I was figuring out why I am like that. Why is certain stuff so hard for me? Why am I so scared of human beings sometimes? Why do I feel like an alien? Life was so hard for me here and then, there were so many times where I wished it would end right now, because I couldn't take it anymore.
Now, thanks to my girl, I understand why I feel those anxieties. Fact is, I'm not a freak - I just feel harder than others. My nervous system is a bit weak when it comes to stress and excitement - I never knew that, I mean how shall I know?
Reading about high sensitive people just makes me happy. Actually, 20% of the people are highly sensitive (you could be it as well). One short note: HSP is not a disease, okay! It is something very beautiful and so pure. We have reasons why we act differently than others - the trick is that we need to know what to do when we feel aroused, stressed or tired. Without knowing certain facts, you might end up confused your whole life, just like me.
When you hear the term "highly sensitive" don't skip it and think this can't be true. I was confused, too, since I know about my emotions, but I didn't feel sensitive. The best word to add here would be "aware".
Being sensitive means being aware.
We notice energies and feelings and we experience these deeper than the majority.
Let's be honest. Is that bad? I don't think so. This sounds pretty exciting to me and I'm happy to be one of the people who can experience that.
During my research I also found the term "empath", which intrigued me a lot. We all use the term "vibe" or "bad energy". Being an empath is actually about receiving or understanding energies. We enter a room and we notice bad vibes - we stay away from it. At work, a person might stress you out and the energies around the person disturbs you - you stay away from it. Welcome to my world - this is what my body does 24/7.
I know, this topic is quiet complex, but once you get more facts, it will be so much clearer.
Today, I just want to be honest with you and share a personal story of mine. I hope I can help people out there who feel the same way.
We definitely need more people who talk about "issues" like this. Share knowledge, share emotions and share pure inspiration.
In the next weeks I will also share tips for you and what you can do if you happen to be a HSP, too. If you are interested, I can also show you the books I read and which helped or let's say saved my life.
Right now I just feel beyond happy and since I know about HSP, I can definitely control my energies better and I know how to read my body language in a more beneficial way. I started sharing this info with friends, coworkers, and family, who are a little bit confused about it, but I think time will tell...everyone will understand it better the more info they get.
No matter what, if you are a HSP - you are awesome. I celebrate you and your uniqueness.
Don't let anyone mob or discriminate you just because you feel different. Be proud of your emotions and keep yourself surrounded with positive energy! ~ You can do it.